It has been 2 months since I last published any of my writings. Needless to say I am still searching for the perfect balance between staying present in the moment and reflecting upon what is.
No time in my 21 years on this earth have been more transcending than these last months. I have never felt so in tune with the universe. I have never felt so present in life. Where everything has always been either dark or luminous suddenly everything appears perfectly clear.
Since I published my last writing I have still been writing my journal consistently. Since then I have spent 2 more weeks in Bali along with 4 weeks in Thailand along with 10 days back in Australia and somewhere along the way I decided to return to Denmark alone. A decision we agreed on. In fact it was never really a question, neither of us were thrilled with the answer had it been, but it wasn’t. We had been discussion different options for months and while I was desperately trying to force a decision, any decision, my fiancé continuously reassured me that the universe would show us the answer and so it did. I suppose that ties into an important lesson I have learnt during this time, something I am still reminded daily: “The universe is your friend, if you let it be, and everything happens for a reason, and that reason is good”. It quickly became obvious why I had been chosen to leave Australia alone.
Since our first date, my fiancé and I have spent everyday together, every moment awake and asleep; and there is no way I would’ve rather spent that time; Every moment as good as the last and better. Still the seperation has proven its purpose.
Saying goodbye at the airport was really hard. It was such an excruciating, vulnerable moment, a moment that really resonated with me as a significant part of the reasoning for me traveling alone. The scenario was so familiar yet the situation nothing but.
As much as I have traveled I have actually never cried at an airport; And its definitely not due to a lack in distance or duration of my travels. I never felt comfortable crying when anyone else was which was usually the case. It wasn’t because I wasn’t sad to say goodbye but because I was more so excited for the encounters and experiences awaiting. Previously, if I was traveling whether it be to leave or return, I was always excited. However even as I was excited to reunite with everyone returning this time as well, this time was different. I cried. We both did. I suppose we both expected our situation to turn out otherwise. It was the first time during our time together that I saw him cry. He told me how much he loved me and I loved him if possible even more in than moment of him allowing himself to be vulnerable and allowing me to love him even more for everything that he is. The goodbye at the airport definitely magnified our unconditional love. I cried both from happiness and sadness. I knew in that moment that I never wanted to be anywhere he wasn’t. Something I’d never felt. The travel always seemed worth any sacrifice. At least any sacrifice that has been presented to me this far. Something about the situation reminded me of our divine unity; nothing seemed worth the seperation; but I also reminded myself that there is a reason for everything; a good reason. I realized that the reason why we had to separate was the realization that we don’t need to separate. I am so grateful that we get to reunite again in a few weeks already. Yesterday I was talking to a beloved friend and she told me about her recent heartbreak and it really resonated with me. Love can be so hard. It seems as if it should so simple but somehow it isn’t. Reflecting upon the love I have experienced in the past or maybe more so a search for what is really love has left me feeling even more grateful to have found the person I want to share life with. I have honestly never met anyone who understand me better. It is someone I can always call when I need to and someone I never need to call when I need to because somehow he is already there at the other end of the line waiting for me to pick up. His kind spirit and strong nature inspires me everyday. He encourages me to never stop improving but also always assure me that I am perfectly good enough as I am in all of my imperfection. I am so grateful to be surrounded by your spirit always. I cannot wait to share life with you.
And as for life, I still could not be more unsure as of where it is taking me but I have infinite trust that it will be magical.