thoughts of a twenty-year-old

life

Let me begin by introducing myself to those of you who do not already know me. My name is Michelle and I am 20 years old. I have always had a profound love of writing but most of what I have written in the past has been either assignments for school or weary thoughts in my diary. I have always found it very intimidating allowing other people to read my works and the thought of it not being perfect has always kept me from publishing my opinions and sharing my passion. I have finally come to a place in my life where I am able to approve of something that is perfect in its imperfection and where I value my own opinion more than the opinions of other people. About 3 months ago I graduated from school, I had been in the educational system for 14 years without pause and I had been looking forward to start living my life for just as long. Looking back I am glad I did finish my education and received my diploma. I have always enjoyed learning and always been eager to learn more however I also disagree with the belief that you are obligated to wait several years to “start living your life”. Life is meant to be lived and if you feel any less than alive every morning when you wake up, you are not doing it right.

Anyways I had decided ever since I left California, where I spend a year studying abroad, in 2012 that I would return to visit the family I stayed with and my friends there when I graduated school; so I did. A week and a half after my graduation I left Denmark and spent 10 days in Italy before traveling to California where I stayed for 6 weeks. Going back to California changed everything; I realized so many things about life and myself during those 6 weeks. When I returned to Denmark everything appeared differently even despite being reunited with my beloved friends and family who I had been separated with for almost 2 months I did not feel at home. Feeling foreign in your native country is a very unusual feeling. I realize now looking back that more than anything I think I felt foreign to myself, as I was so confused about and unsure of who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do with my life, which ultimately resulted in a sense of alienation. (Which is probably fairly normal being only 20 years old, I think most adolescents or even adults experience this kind of identity crisis sooner or later in their lives, some even multiple times)

10 days later I moved from Denmark to Queensland, Australia where I have spend the last 6 weeks, which have proven to be the most difficult 6 weeks of my life. I have had so many amazing adventures here but I have also never felt as lost and alone as I do now. I keep reminding myself: “maybe you have to get lost in order to find yourself”. Isn’t that what your twenties are for anyway? It is truly a heartwrenching but beautiful and enlightening journey yet the most predominant struggle has been not to worry and live in the present. Today I am here, tomorrow who knows where I will be.

Being across the globe from most of my family and close friends (in spite of the beautiful friendships I have made here) I spend a significant amount of time alone with my thoughts. I spend most of my days wondering and daydreaming about different principles of life. These thoughts that have left me with the inspiration to start writing again and with the incentive to create a mean of expression of my feelings and my seemingly never-ending reflections upon life. Writing my journal every night you would think that this would be completely unnecessary, however I hope that someone else may find inspiration in what I find inspiration in and I hope to inspire more people to ask more questions and to allow themselves to live life extraordinarily and unconventionally.

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